My dad gave The Five Love Languages (by Gary Chapman) to Stephen and I shortly after we were married about 12 years ago. I'll admit it took about a year before I picked it up. It wasn't until it was on Oprah or something and kind of trendy did I even think about reading it. But once I did, I could feel the value of his work in our marriage and in my relationships with others. The premise of the book is that we all have primary love languages in how we feel loved by others.
The Five Love Languages are:
Quality Time
This is basically spending time together. Examples: doing something together, just sitting side by side watching a show, or even having an conversation (without distractions). And date nights.
Gifts
It is what it is. Examples: a picture drawn by a child, a cup of coffee, etc. Gifts are thoughtful no matter how small. Also, presentation counts.
Words of Affirmation
These people are very sensitive about what is said to them and take everything to heart. Saying things like "You can do it!", "You look great today", "Great job", or "I love you" is extremely important to them. It could be in a note or verbally. They pour over the words in a card too.
Physical Touch
Self-explanatory. Examples: HUGS!, holding hands, putting an arm over a shoulder, and other things too.
Acts of Service
Also self-explanatory, but could be simple things like making the bed, helping with a chore, or making a meal.
Most people have a primary and secondary love language. For those of you who don't know, my love languages are Quality Time and Gifts.
{HERE'S MY POINT ALREADY}
Quality time is my primary love language. So when my mom calls me up and asks if I want to go shopping with her...My love tank is filled up. Family game nights and movies nights = LOVE. Holiday get together with my whole family there = buckets of love. When my girlfriends come over to scrapbook with me, I feel surrounded by love. When people cancel plans with me, my love tank is depleted. I irrationally feel that they chose something else over me. I am a backup plan and am not a priority. Quality time is NOT sitting in a room together not interacting and doing separate activities. It must be interactive - which even includes chatting on Facebook or video calls with my grandma.
My secondary language is gifts. It is embarrassing and sounds materialistic but it is soooo true. So when Stephen surprises me with a cup of coffee when I wake up, I awake with a smile on my face. When I go on those quality time shopping trips with my mom and she buys me a trinket, that love tank is completely full (Mom, this does not mean I am asking for a shopping trip & presents...it's an example LOL) When Emily draws a picture for me, I feel overwhelming joy. When H spends ten times longer making my present look pretty cuz she knows about my love language, I feel so blessed to have such an awesome friend! NOTE TO ALL- my birthday is approaching. Kidding. . . maybe?
I also have The Five Love Languages of Children and will soon buy the teenage version as well. FYI:
Stephen's love languages: Physical touch and words
Alexa's: Physical touch and quality time (games are so important)
Emily's: Words and physical touch (she loves to cuddle)
Your own love language is often the way you show love to others also. Learning to use another person's love language is hard for some of us who have a different ones. I would love to know what yours are! Let me know in comments.
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I think I have that book. You have inspired me to get it off the shelf and re-read it. If I were closer I would take you shopping, buy you a little something and give you a hug. I miss the closeness of my extended family. I am so glad that family is what you treasure most. Love you!
ReplyDeleteI'm a huge fan of this book. I think I've posted about it before too! My love language is quality time.
ReplyDeleteI LOVED chatting with you on facebook the other night! My love tank was full!